Santa is an outdoor guy

Dec. 24, 2013 @ 02:56 PM

It is a little known fact that Santa Claus is an outdoor guy. It should be obvious since Santa has been delivering fishing gear, bicycles, BB guns, and almost every imaginable form of outdoor equipment since he first took his post. This past week, I happened to run into Santa at the Bass Pro Shop in Concord. At the time, he looked like an ordinary guy with a white beard, but I recognized him instantly. As an important member of the media and a popular celebrity, I politely declined from announcing his presence which would have resulted in a crowd and the inevitable appearance of paparazzi.  Of course, he also recognized me, my Lab, Larry, and Chris Cerino, from the History Channel’s Top Shot TV show.
There may be those who question the validity of my claim that Santa is an outdoor guy. I can assure you he is, and if you think about it, it should be obvious. He lives in a highly rural location. His clothing is the traditional red color used by deer hunters for the last 100 years. While it’s true that he doesn’t own a snowmobile or ATV, he does have a sled and reindeer. As a practical guy, and most outdoor people are practical, a magic sled and reindeer provides more flexibility and fits his travel requirements better.
The most obvious reason for Santa being an outdoor guy is his generosity. Outdoor people, at least the genuine ones, are kind and generous folk who like to share the things they love with others. The spirit of generosity among outdoor folk is illustrated by their willingness to take kids hunting and fishing and provide mentors for experiencing the wonders of God’s creation.
I have never been fishing or hunting with Santa, but we are friends on Facebook. He occasionally sends me a photo of himself doing something fun and I do the same for him. We have similar interests in that Santa Claus is an avid surf fisherman. As one might suspect, his job is one with a very short period of being very busy and a lot of down time other-wise.
As we’ve gotten into the cyber age, life has become quite a bit simpler for him. He no longer has to spend as much time checking up on kids as he once did because he has some former NSA employees working for him. In the information age, the elves no longer actually build the toys themselves, he informed us. They now purchase certain items from Amazon and EBay and often outsource high quantity items from the Pacific Rim.
Of course, there are trips to some locations to check up on production, make sure environmental standards are maintained, and assure proper quality checks are being done. Santa informed me that while these trips can be bothersome, he generally combines them with pleasurable diversions, especially while he’s in some of the nicer places he has to go.
I observed that it made a lot of sense and how it would allow him to write off the trip as a business expense. “No,” Santa informed me. “I don’t have to worry about that because I moved to the North Pole primarily for the tax lower rates and cooler climates.”
I’d have thought the distances from the North Pole would have been an issue for him because the North Pole is a remote place, and I figured commutes for hunting and fishing trips would have been prohibitively expensive. He informed me this is no issue at all because he uses the same magic sleigh for recreational and business trips as he uses for his Christmas Eve duties.
Larry and I were doing some last minute Christmas shopping, and Chris was spending the last of the money left on his Bass Pro Shop card from Top Shot All Stars. While one might assume it would be difficult for four celebrities, like Chris, Larry, Santa and me to stand totally unnoticed in a throng of their admirers, but it did happen. Chris, Santa, and I stood and talked about hunting, fishing and shooting while Larry diverted the crowd’s attention from us but appearing to be a normal, non-celebrity dog who just happened to be at Bass Pro Shop with his master.
At any rate, rest assured he has everything under control and plans to make his usual run on Christmas Eve. As to those of you outdoor folk who are having a little trouble relating to my comparison to outdoor people and Santa, you might consider taking a kid fishing or hunting or just donating a little shooting lesson to some young person you know.
You’ll be surprised at how it makes you feel like a jolly old elf. Merry Christmas, everyone.
A few years back, my neighbor, Bennie and his son, Addison, came by the house and asked if Addison could shoot his new gun he got for Christmas. We threw a few straightaway targets off my clays range and, on about his third shot, Addison hit his first flying target. It was a neat thing for him, but I believe I enjoyed it even more. It began a tradition that I keep every year. If you plan to give your child a new gun for Christmas and want them to be able to shoot it, email me and I’ll send you directions to the house. I plan to have the shotgun and .22 range open from 1-3 p.m. We may even have some hot chocolate!