Your View: Guest Column - Refuse collection department makes me a man

Apr. 06, 2013 @ 01:05 AM

BY JOE WILLIFORD

I would like to thank the City of High Point Refuse Collections for making me realize that I am much more than the man I thought myself to be. Let me explain. Sometime back,  I “trimmed” a crepe myrtle tree in my front yard. Previous excursions into refuse collection insured that I would meet the requirements for pickup. The “collectors” arrived at my home and as I watched them discuss the “limbs” I had placed at the curb, I decided to ask them what they were discussing. Here is what I discovered:
1. As a 65-year-old man, I do not know my own strength. I trimmed the tree (in 4-foot sections) and bundled them together. However, one 65-year-old man is exceedingly stronger than two “collectors” as they told me the bundles were too heavy. The red tag they left slated that the bundles could not exceed 50 pounds. Note that I moved the bundles 60 feet down my driveway, but they could not move them 5 feet to the back of the collection truck. (I did offer to put the bundles in the back of the truck, but not being a duly hired city employee I could not.) I subsequently loaded the bundles into the back of my truck exerting my newly found strength.
2. In conversation with the “collectors,” they told me the bundles were “too long.” Note that the limbs were cut in 4-foot lengths, but when bundling the limbs (since they don’t line up perfectly) the bundles were not exactly 4-feet or less. The “collectors” told me I needed to make the bundles more manageable. So now I have been deemed to be a member of MENSA as I can ascertain the meaning of manageable without ever discussing its meaning with the others involved. I can also exercise my newly discovered trait of clairvoyance as I must be capable of determining what others understand and are thinking without ever talking with them.
3. Finally, the “collectors” donned me with the title of leadership of my street, a title that apparently is conferred, not earned. The “collectors” told me that they could not pick up the “outlaw bundles” as others on the street would see them do it and then everybody would do the same thing. I guess that I would have a line of neighbors at my “bundles” with tape measures and scales discovering that I had placed tied bundles at the street that exceeded “manageable.”
4. Finally, I must admit that my tax dollars are being well spent. Note that I pay taxes for the privilege of placing pick-up items at the curb only to have the city give me a litany of excuses and reasons that they cannot perform their function. It is my function to adhere to any and all rules they deem meets their definition of manageable.
Again, let me say thank you City of High Point Refuse Collection. My wife now realizes that she is married to a true mountain of a man. One whom the city has deemed stronger than two “collectors,” more knowledgeable than my peers as I am clairvoyant and understand the thinking of strangers, and finally for donning the mantle of street leader as if I do it everyone else on the street will follow suit. I must say she is one lucky woman!

Joe Williford lives in High Point.


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